| Talk about stuck in the middle. A step-parent | | | | between co-parents. Rules can also easily |
| seems to have equal responsibility and so | | | | vary between parent and step-parent, given |
| very little rights. And, truthfully, that is | | | | time. |
| probably accurate. The major role in any | | | | |
| blended family is the biological parent. The | | | | Although it may feel degrading, try starting |
| step-parent must stand alongside the birth | | | | out like a babysitter. You enforce the rules |
| parent, participate in all aspects of the | | | | that the biological parent establishes. Start |
| family and yet they have very little say, at | | | | by being present during an instructional |
| least directly to the children. It is | | | | moment. Showing that you both stand together |
| definitely a tough position, but if done | | | | helps mold the future. Co-parenting is |
| correctly, you will be amazed at the strength | | | | essential in establishing the relationship |
| of a blended family. | | | | between the children and a step-parent. |
| | | | However, you cannot push yourself on the |
| Blended families are becoming a common factor | | | | children. Start slow. Be present but |
| in society today. Regardless of all the | | | | silent, in the beginning. |
| reference books out there, a very high | | | | |
| percent of divorce is prevalent in blended | | | | When appropriate, volunteer to stay with the |
| families. Look at it from a logical | | | | children while your spouse runs errands. In |
| perspective, the two adults fell in love, the | | | | their absence, enforce the rules that the |
| kids didn't. The children already have two | | | | biological parent established. Be gentle in |
| primary adults in their lives that they love. | | | | your words and make sure the positive |
| They didn't ask for their parent's divorce | | | | interactions outnumber the negative by |
| and they certainly didn't ask for a | | | | ten-fold. |
| step-parent. It probably took some | | | | |
| maneuvering to establish two new households | | | | Remind the children that you are there for |
| with new rules after the divorce. Now, along | | | | them and that you realize you are not their |
| comes someone else and a new set of rules. | | | | parent. You are there to be their friend and |
| | | | trusted adult but remain respectful of their |
| First and foremost, take a deep breath. Try | | | | parents. |
| not to sweat the small stuff and by all | | | | |
| means, the spouses need to talk… | | | | Children adapt to change and will grow to |
| CONSTANTLY! Although the new step-parent | | | | love and respect the step-parent but it will |
| should not take a strong, active role at the | | | | take an enormous amount of patience and love. |
| beginning of forming the family, their | | | | Choose to be a positive influence in their |
| feelings and opinions should be heard and | | | | lives. At first they will test many |
| respected by the birth parent. If the adults | | | | boundaries, including the strength of your |
| differ, resolution should be a compromise and | | | | marriage. Remain the adult and stay above the |
| done behind closed doors. At no time should | | | | invitation to engage in negative behavior. |
| the children see the adults bickering over | | | | Set the example of the behavior you are |
| the children. | | | | hoping to get from them. Be kind, loving and |
| | | | nurturing without crossing the boundaries. |
| Throughout life, children as well as adults, | | | | The time will come where the family will |
| adapt to a variety of rules. Rules vary from | | | | blend and peace will descend upon the new |
| baseball, football, school, home, playground, | | | | family. |
| etc. Rules can vary between households and | | | | |