| Talk about stuck in the middle. A step-parent | | | | vary between households and between |
| seems to have equal responsibility and so very | | | | co-parents. Rules can also easily vary between |
| little rights. And, truthfully, that is probably | | | | parent and step-parent, given time. |
| accurate. The major role in any blended family is | | | | Although it may feel degrading, try starting out |
| the biological parent. The step-parent must stand | | | | like a babysitter. You enforce the rules that the |
| alongside the birth parent, participate in all aspects | | | | biological parent establishes. Start by being present |
| of the family and yet they have very little say, at | | | | during an instructional moment. Showing that you |
| least directly to the children. It is definitely a tough | | | | both stand together helps mold the future. |
| position, but if done correctly, you will be amazed | | | | Co-parenting is essential in establishing the |
| at the strength of a blended family. | | | | relationship between the children and a |
| Blended families are becoming a common factor in | | | | step-parent. However, you cannot push yourself |
| society today. Regardless of all the reference | | | | on the children. Start slow. Be present but silent, in |
| books out there, a very high percent of divorce is | | | | the beginning. |
| prevalent in blended families. Look at it from a | | | | When appropriate, volunteer to stay with the |
| logical perspective, the two adults fell in love, the | | | | children while your spouse runs errands. In their |
| kids didn't. The children already have two primary | | | | absence, enforce the rules that the biological |
| adults in their lives that they love. They didn't ask | | | | parent established. Be gentle in your words and |
| for their parent's divorce and they certainly didn't | | | | make sure the positive interactions outnumber |
| ask for a step-parent. It probably took some | | | | the negative by ten-fold. |
| maneuvering to establish two new households | | | | Remind the children that you are there for them |
| with new rules after the divorce. Now, along | | | | and that you realize you are not their parent. You |
| comes someone else and a new set of rules. | | | | are there to be their friend and trusted adult but |
| First and foremost, take a deep breath. Try not | | | | remain respectful of their parents. |
| to sweat the small stuff and by all means, the | | | | Children adapt to change and will grow to love and |
| spouses need to talk… CONSTANTLY! | | | | respect the step-parent but it will take an |
| Although the new step-parent should not take a | | | | enormous amount of patience and love. Choose |
| strong, active role at the beginning of forming the | | | | to be a positive influence in their lives. At first |
| family, their feelings and opinions should be heard | | | | they will test many boundaries, including the |
| and respected by the birth parent. If the adults | | | | strength of your marriage. Remain the adult and |
| differ, resolution should be a compromise and | | | | stay above the invitation to engage in negative |
| done behind closed doors. At no time should the | | | | behavior. Set the example of the behavior you |
| children see the adults bickering over the children. | | | | are hoping to get from them. Be kind, loving and |
| Throughout life, children as well as adults, adapt to | | | | nurturing without crossing the boundaries. The |
| a variety of rules. Rules vary from baseball, | | | | time will come where the family will blend and |
| football, school, home, playground, etc. Rules can | | | | peace will descend upon the new family. |