| This story is Based on a gross exaggeration of a | | | | errands for her. But I had no choice. It was too |
| hypothetical situation. Any similarities to persons | | | | late to go to another party.Searching for the |
| or events in your life is purely coincidental and | | | | kitchen, I realized her apartment was a lot bigger |
| rather pathetic.We met at a party in an Upper | | | | than I had imagined. After circling through the |
| East Side apartment. I was eating cheese, she | | | | dinette and study several times, I finally stopped |
| was eating crackers. I offered her some of my | | | | to ask for directions. The guy who gave me |
| cheese, she offered me some of her crackers, | | | | directions, said he worked for the phone company |
| and pretty soon we were both eating cheese and | | | | and had been trying to find his way out of the |
| crackers.I gave her that stupid line "Do you come | | | | apartment since he installed a phone in the |
| here often?" She said, "Yes, every day." Shocked, | | | | kitchen. I said, I didn't realize she had a new |
| I asked, "My god, is there a party here every | | | | phone. He said, it wasn't that new anymore -- he |
| day?" She said, "No, I live here."Feeling somewhat | | | | installed it three weeks ago.When I finally returned |
| embarrassed that I was an uninvited guest, | | | | to the party room with two big bottles of Coke, |
| although "uninvitees" at singles parties are quite | | | | all the guests had already left. She asked, "What |
| common, I said, "Your roommate invited me." She | | | | took you so long?" I said, "I took the long route." |
| said, "I live alone." That didn't make me feel any | | | | She asked, "Why?" I said, "I hate drilling through |
| better.But when she offered me another cracker, | | | | walls." She asked, "What am I going to do with |
| I felt safe.As the party wore on, it became | | | | two big bottles of Coke now?" I said, "Well, if it's |
| obvious that this was no ordinary girl. She greeted | | | | a space problem, I can take them home with |
| her guests with the warmth and enthusiasm | | | | me."Needless to say, the situation was serious. |
| usually seen only among married folks. For one | | | | Here we were with two big bottles of Coke and |
| terrifying moment I thought perhaps this was not | | | | no guests to drink them. But, it's these kind of |
| a singles party, after all. But when I overheard a | | | | grave predicaments which set my neurons, brain |
| small group of people discussing how they had | | | | cells, and alpha waves into high gear. Promptly, as |
| just come from two other parties, I knew I was | | | | though requiring no thought whatsoever, I |
| at a singles gathering -- married folks don't go to | | | | suggested, "Hey, why don't we sit down and drink |
| three parties in one night. One couch is all they | | | | them up ourselves?" Her face lit up. But her grin |
| need.I noticed the hostess carrying in a large tray | | | | worried me.For the next hour and a half, I was |
| of hors d'oeuvres with some difficulty. I rushed | | | | "force-fed" two huge bottles of Coke. It was an |
| over and asked, "May I help?" She asked with a | | | | unusual hour and a half, to say the least. I drank, |
| smile, "Eat or carry?" I answered with a chuckle, | | | | she talked. Between gulps I had enough time to |
| "Very funny, you don't expect me to carry that | | | | say, "I understand."As I swallowed the last few |
| thing." We smiled and we chuckled.After helping | | | | drops, dawn broke. With the rays of the morning |
| her place the tray on a table, I struck up a | | | | sun filtering in through the shades, we exchanged |
| conversation. We found out we had a lot in | | | | phone numbers and I prepared to leave. She |
| common. She was from San Diego, I was from | | | | offered to make breakfast. But after a "Coke |
| Brooklyn -- but we both hated Des Moine. She | | | | transfusion," eggs hardly seemed appetizing. So, |
| was a zoologist, I was a computer consultant -- | | | | not to offend her, I said, "I'd love to, but I'm |
| but all her monkeys were trained to read | | | | double parked."As we said good-by, we both |
| "hexadecimal dumps." She liked flying, I liked water | | | | knew we would be seeing a lot more of each |
| sports -- but we could have a great time in a life | | | | other in coming months. And so we did. We had a |
| raft filled with helium. She liked classical music, I | | | | long and meaningful relationship. Actually, it was |
| liked punk rock -- but we could dye our hair green | | | | long. I'm not sure what it meant. But I learned a |
| and listen to the Boston Symphony Orchestra. | | | | lesson from all this: Coke can keep you awake all |
| She liked long, lavish, gourmet meals - I liked | | | | night.Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for |
| breakfast in bed, lunch in bed, and supper in bed -- | | | | over two decades, the author has developed |
| but, if we got married, we could have a bed in | | | | software for such organizations as NASA's |
| the dining room and be together all day. I just | | | | Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, |
| can't begin to tell you how much we had in | | | | Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase |
| common.As we spoke, I complimented her on her | | | | Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary |
| rug. She said she didn't have a rug -- I was | | | | works have appeared in such periodicals as The |
| standing on her cat. I felt really stupid. Her cat felt | | | | New York Post, The Daily News, The Village |
| a lot worse.She asked if I could run into the | | | | Voice, The Jewish Press, and others. His articles |
| kitchen and see if there was anymore soda in the | | | | have ranged from humor to scientific to topical |
| fridge. I was afraid this would happen. I knew if I | | | | events. Visit his site: shopndrop. |
| helped her with that tray, I might soon be running | | | | |