| Copyright © 2007 Ed Bagley
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| | found someone else.
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| Sometimes as parents we forget how simple
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| | Two years later we won the league
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| and subtle the lessons in life can be.
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| | championship, and when we did, I was
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| I was reminded of this yesterday
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| | surrounded by winners who had become my
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| afternoon when I heard the cheering of
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| | friends. I did not need my parents to do
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| youngsters playing a Little League
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| | this for me, I did not need some meddling
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| baseball game in the nearby city park. It
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| | adult or juvenile counselor to do this
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| is amazing when the noise of kids at play
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| | for me, I needed to do this for myself.
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| can carry the sound a half-block away and
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| | When I got the guys together and we took
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| into the open window of your living room.
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| | that trophy down to Jewell Realty, we all
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| Little League baseball games can get
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| | shared in the excitement of being
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| noisy. Kids are excited when the bases
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| | winners. Later that summer I would walk
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| are loaded and their next hitter sends a
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| | by Jewell Realty, see that trophy in the
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| screaming line drive into the outfield.
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| | window, and know who I was and what I had
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| They know that the outfielder will likely
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| | become: a winner. Jewell Realty did not
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| boot the ball, and as it gets by him on
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| | win that trophy, I won that trophy, and I
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| its merry way to the fence, all three
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| | knew what it would take to win another.
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| players on base will score and the hitter
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| | Our parents never saw us play, they were
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| will probably come home safe with an
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| | too busy working.
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| inside-the-park home run and 4 ribbies
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| | If someone had come around after that
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| (runs batted in) to his credit.
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| | first season and given each of us a
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| Ah, baseball, spring is in the air and
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| | trophy for losing, we would not have
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| summer is approaching.
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| | accepted it. Think about it: the message
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| The pure fun of sport is so normal and so
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| | they would have been sending us was we
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| natural to our human experience.
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| | think you are so bad that you could never
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| I read a study once that interviewed
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| | win a title, so in order to sooth your
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| hardened criminals spending life in
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| | precious little feelings, here is a
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| prison for capital crimes, such as
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| | trophy for being a loser.
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| murder. A psychologist asked inmates what
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| | I think I would have spit in their face.
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| they missed most now that they were
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| | I was that competitive. I might have been
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| spending the rest of their lives behind
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| | a 9 year old but I did not need some
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| bars without possibility of parole.
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| | meddling parent setting goals for me that
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| The answer stunned me, and it should stun
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| | I thought were so low I would trip on
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| you too. What they missed most was not
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| | them walking across the baseball diamond.
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| their girlfriend, or sex, or drinking, or
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| | If you think a 9-year-old child cannot
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| drugging, or gambling; it was the sound
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| | have some dignity, you are dead wrong,
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| of kids playing. Perhaps the one, real,
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| | and have probably been wrong about a lot
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| positive memory they have of their life
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| | of things in your life.
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| was when they were a child playing.
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| | Once we won that championship and
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| These are two compelling extremes:
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| | experienced our moment of victory, you
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| children at play without a care in the
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| | could have taken that trophy away and it
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| world, and incarcerated criminals who are
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| | would not have mattered. I knew what I
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| burdened with the reality that they will
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| | had sacrificed to win that trophy, and
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| never again be free to play.
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| | after all of the blood, sweat and tears,
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| With all of the violence we are now
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| | nothing any stupid parent or adult could
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| seeing with youngsters who solve their
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| | do would have made me feel less about
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| supposed "problems" by shooting their
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| | myself. I knew I was a winner, and I
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| perceived "enemies" (many times friends
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| | wasn't going to settle for anything less.
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| and family), I am reminded that some of
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| | Parents, if you do not understand one
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| our children today seem less able to cope
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| | thing in raising your children,
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| with adversity, and even less so with
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| | understand this: if your child goes
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| patience.
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| | through his or her entire schooling
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| How is it that they clearly lack coping
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| | period (kindergarten through high school
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| skills and patience, two necessary traits
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| | graduation) and never experiences real
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| for survival as an adult?
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| | success at anything at least one day is
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| It will take someone a lot smarter than
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| | his or her life, your child will be
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| me to give you the right answer to this
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| | handicapped for life. Nothing could be
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| question.
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| | more arcane, stupid and bovine.
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| I will leave that answer to what some
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| | Don't you dare try to prevent your child
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| educated professionals who study
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| | from failing. Let them try and when they
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| psychology think.
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| | fail, pick them up, dust them off, and
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| In the meantime, I choose not to tell you
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| | encourage them to try again. It is in
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| what I think, but to share with you what
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| | failing that we learn to succeed.
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| I know.
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| | If you as a parent cannot be a winner in
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| Here is one thing about Little League
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| | your own pathetic life, if all you have
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| baseball that is being taught by some
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| | to offer is whining and complaining about
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| parents and some leaders in some
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| | this and that, and bemoaning how your
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| organizations that is really not worth
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| | child is treated, then get the hell out
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| teaching, and that is this:
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| | of the way and let your child fail to
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| Certain organizations have adopted the
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| | ultimately win on his own.
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| misguided practice of rewarding every kid
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| | Take a snapshot of two pictures.
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| on each team regardless of their effort
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| | In one a child is given a trophy, a team
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| or performance. In other words, a team
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| | photo and a baseball card with his
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| can lose every game all year and each kid
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| | picture on it featuring a loser who
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| gets a trophy for participating, a team
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| | accomplished nothing. In the other
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| picture and his or her own baseball card
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| | snapshot, a child is given only a trophy,
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| with their mug on it.
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| | or the team is given one trophy to
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| Apparently some parents do not want to
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| | admire, because they have worked their
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| hurt their child's feelings even though
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| | butts off, improved their skills, played
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| the child makes little effort, is clearly
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| | their hearts out, taken risks and won a
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| incompetent at improving on any skills of
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| | league title. Which is your child?
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| the game, does not understand the game,
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| | Any child who has worked to get to the
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| and really could care less.
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| | top of the mountain, and experiences the
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| I doubt the parents in the example given
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| | sheer joy of competing and winning, is
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| have a clue about the lessons they are
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| | someone who will go much farther in life.
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| teaching their children by insisting on
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| | I can tell you from experience in hiring
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| this foolish practice of making their
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| | that there is an incredible correlation
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| child feel like he or she has
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| | between having athletic success at the
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| accomplished something.
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| | high school or college level and success
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| First, they are encouraging mediocrity by
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| | later in life. The reason is simple:
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| rewarding nothingness. Practice this
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| | winners win and losers don't.
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| stupidity a few more generations and we
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| | Do not misunderstand what I am sharing
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| will have our children thinking they can
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| | here. It is not that you cannot win
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| show up to work as an adult, do nothing
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| | bigger and better in life unless you are
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| and get paid for their lack of skills,
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| | a successful athlete in your youth, it is
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| effort and production.
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| | that you need to have a sense of
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| Second, they are rewarding children for
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| | accomplishment and recognition doing
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| having no concept of goal-setting and
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| | something that takes hard work,
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| achieving goals. The parents are not
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| | dedication, effort and goals. It could be
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| encouraging any concept of
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| | singing, it could be acting, it could be
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| self-improvement and providing no
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| | playing a musical instrument; suffice to
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| incentive to do so.
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| | say any activity that allows you to fail,
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| Third, they are teaching no learning
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| | learn, improve and succeed over a period
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| skills in how to cope with failure, and
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| | of time.
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| not providing a shred of understanding
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| | It certainly helps to have a strong
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| about the function of failing. Losers
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| | father in the house to help teach his
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| would be astonished to learn that
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| | children what it is to be a winner, to
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| successful people have failed more than
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| | learn coping skills, patience, hard work,
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| losers ever thought of failing.
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| | dedication, effort, improvement and
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| One of the big differences between losers
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| | success. A strong single mother can do
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| and winners in the game of life is that
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| | the same.
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| when winners fail, they get right back
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| | Do not play patty-cake with your children
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| up, dust themselves off, learn from the
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| | when they are 9 years old, do not
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| experience, and try again.
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| | knowingly set them up in life to fail,
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| Fourth, they devalue the kids who do work
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| | let them struggle and succeed. If you do
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| hard, fail and then succeed by rewarding
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| | not do this someday they will be adult
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| a bunch of kids who haul off and do
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| | and not know how to act when they are put
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| nothing, learn nothing, and have no sense
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| | down, put upon, made fun of and beaten up
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| of real accomplishment.
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| | emotionally. They will figure it out if
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| I remember going door-to-door as a
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| | you do not protect them and their
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| 9-year-old kid, looking for a sponsor for
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| | feelings so much they become helpless and
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| a baseball team I was putting together. I
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| | inept.
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| instinctively knew kids would want to be
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| | They will learn to cope and be stronger
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| on my team if I could get them a free
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| | for the experience. When they reach
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| baseball hat and shirt; we would then
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| | adulthood they will be able to dismiss
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| look like a real team. I had played on a
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| | people around them who have mediocre
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| team that had nothing; we could not
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| | minds and are mental midgets. They will
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| afford uniforms, we were lucky to have a
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| | be polite as they treat these losers as
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| glove or borrow a glove.
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| | irrelevant (which they are) and be
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| I found that sponsor, a business called
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| | unaffected by their negative presence.
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| Jewell Realty in Flint, Michigan. I found
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| | Then they will move on quickly to be with
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| a sponsor because I was looking for a
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| | the winners. It is the losers who are
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| sponsor. The people that owned that
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| | left standing alone and wondering why.
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| business were impressed that a 9-year-old
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| | Do not play to participate, play to win.
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| kid would have the guts to walk all over
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| | It is not winning that is the be all to
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| town and ask businesses to sponsor his
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| | end all, it is that in the process of
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| rag-tag team. I put up with the nos and
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| | winning we learn important skills that
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| getting kicked out of places because I
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| | make us much more effective in playing
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| wanted it that bad.
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| | and winning in the game of life. After
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| The year was 1953 and we were terrible;
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| | all, life is not a resting place; life is
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| we lost more games than we won. We were
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| | a testing place, it is now and will
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| put upon, put down, slapped around and
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| | continue to be as long as you live.
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| got the crap kicked out of us, but I
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| | A wise man said it and it bears repeating
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| never quit, and I made sure my teammates
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| | here: When everyone is somebody then no
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| didn't quit either. When someone quit
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| | one's anybody.
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| trying, I kicked him off the team and
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